i just wanna soil my oats bro
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
