so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
