i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
