I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
