So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
