Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
