how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
