I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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