Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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