i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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