I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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