home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
