She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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