You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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