Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
