he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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