i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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