I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
