Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
