So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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