Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
