It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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