if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
