There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
