I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
