Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
