the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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