Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
