I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
