Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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