im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
