Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
