Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
