if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
