The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
