He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
