Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
