Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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