I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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