Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
