Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
