you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
