Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
