I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
