My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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