Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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