Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
