After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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