I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
