I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
