I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
