I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
